My Closet is the "Unacceptable Attire" list

Yesterday I received an email that had a 'preparing for takeoff' packet to help me better prepare for training. After looking at it I have decided the packet should be called, "Lets double your to do list 1 week before Training".
Some of the new additions include:
*List of countries visited in the last 10 years including dates: looks like I will be taking a stroll down memory lane- my passport would have been a helpful tool for this list, BUT I had to send it in with my application for a new one. Out of luck there. Good thing digital cameras have a date stamp.
*Professional measurements for uniform fit: I was under the impression we were measured during training, I guess I will have to consult a professional
* I will also have to go shopping. I have decided that whoever put together the "unacceptable attire" list was writing it from inside my closet. Keep in mind this is for training. No jeans or anything denim looking. No cargo anything. No hooded anything. No fleece. No exposed shoulders. No t-shirts. No tightly fitted or stretch fabric. No sandals.  Oh here is a good one: swim suit required for emergency pool procedures but visible tattoos must be covered... hmmm... socks in the pool?
Luggage/lunch bags must be black.. boo. Guess red is not the new black. Purses may be red or black smooth leather.. boo again, I LOVE the fabric purses in fun colors my mom makes!!!

The standards of appearance are not bad, and the rules I need to follow are actually simple, its just that I do not own any of it... so that's a huge task added to my list. If I loved shopping, or was proportional this would be an easier task. I am up for the challenge!!!